Understanding Parenting Guilt

Parenting guilt often stems from the fear of not being good enough, making mistakes, or failing to meet the high standards we set for ourselves. This guilt can arise from various sources, such as working long hours, losing patience, or not being able to provide certain opportunities for our children. These feelings are often magnified by societal expectations and comparisons with other parents. The truth, however, is that no parent is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes.

The Christian Perspective: Grace and Forgiveness

As Christians, we are called to live in the freedom that Christ provides. This freedom includes the ability to forgive ourselves and embrace God’s grace. The Bible teaches us that God’s grace is sufficient for us (2 Corinthians 12:9) and that His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). Understanding and accepting this can transform our approach to parenting.

Embrace God’s Grace: Recognize that God’s grace covers all our shortcomings and failures. Just as we are quick to forgive others, we need to extend that same grace to ourselves. God’s love for us is not dependent on our performance but on His unchanging nature.

Seek Forgiveness: When we feel parenting guilt, it’s important to seek forgiveness from God. Confession is a powerful step toward healing. 1 John 1:9 assures us that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Forgive Yourself: This can be the hardest step, but it is essential. We need to accept that we are human and prone to mistakes. Holding on to guilt only hinders our ability to parent effectively. Allow yourself to be human and trust that God is working through you despite your imperfections.

Practical Steps to Overcome Parenting Guilt

Prayer and Reflection: Spend time in prayer and reflection. Ask God to reveal areas where you are holding on to guilt and to help you release it. Reflect on His promises and let them renew your mind.

Connect with Christian Counselors: Sometimes, overcoming parenting guilt requires more than personal prayer and reflection. Seeking help from Christian counselors near me can provide professional and spiritual guidance. These counselors can help you navigate your feelings, offering biblically-based advice and support.

Join a Support Group: Community is vital in the Christian faith. Joining a support group with other parents can provide a safe space to share your struggles and receive encouragement. Churches often have parenting groups or can recommend local Christian counselors who facilitate such gatherings.

Practice Self-Care: Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary. When you are well-rested and emotionally healthy, you can parent more effectively. Make time for activities that replenish your spirit and bring you joy.

Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: Shift your perspective from striving for perfection to celebrating progress. Parenting is a journey, and growth happens over time. Celebrate the small victories and learn from the challenges without dwelling on them.

The Role of Christian Counselors

Christian counselors can play a crucial role in overcoming parenting guilt. These professionals integrate psychological principles with biblical truths, offering a holistic approach to mental and emotional health. They provide a compassionate and non-judgmental space to explore your feelings and work through them with God’s guidance.

Parenting guilt is a common struggle, but it does not have to define your parenting journey. By embracing God’s grace and forgiveness, seeking help from Christian counselors, and taking practical steps to care for yourself, you can overcome guilt and experience the joy and peace that God intends for you as a parent. And remember, you are not alone on this journey. 

Overcome Parenting Guilt with A Christian Counselor in Hillsboro, OR

If you’re in Portland, Clackamas, Happy Valley, Damascus, Hillsboro, or Beaverton and have been Googling “Christian counselors near me,” look no further. The team at Life Discovery Counseling is here to help with your parenting guilt challenges. We offer a warm, welcoming environment at our comfortable therapy clinics, where Christian counseling forms the cornerstone of our approach. Start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:

1. Reach out to us for more information or to schedule an appointment
2. Meet with a trained therapist
3. Start overcoming struggles with parenting guilt!

Other Services Offered with Life Discovery Counseling Services

Our team of caring therapists are happy to offer a vareity of services in addition to parenting guilt. Life Discovery Counseling is also happy to provide support for both adults and children, including anxiety therapy, trauma therapy, PTSD treatment, codependency, relationship and marriage issues, and postpartum counseling. Whether you’re seeking help in person or prefer the convenience of online therapy in Oregon, our dedicated therapists in Beaverton and Clackamas are ready to support you. Contact us to start your journey towards overcoming parenting guilt today!

The post Embracing Grace and Forgiveness on the Journey to Overcoming Parenting Guilt first appeared on Life Discovery Counseling Services.

by Megan Coggins

Signs of secure attachment are able to emotionally connect in relationships and deal with adversity and difficult times without retreating or becoming emotionally overbearing.

Even if you do not have a secure attachment style right now, you can still develop one! It takes being able to look at your life, process, and make sense of the events in your life to heal and learn new ways to interact with those around you. With hard work, commitment, and support, you can heal from your attachment wounds and develop healthy interpersonal relationships and healthy attachment styles with your own children.

How do you create a healthy attachment with your children?

First, look at the picture of the “Circle of Security” found in the first blog in this series. Attachment with your child begins before they are even born. Studies have shown that touching your stomach and just the sound of your voice while pregnant begins to develop a healthy attachment between mom and baby. Between 7 to 8 months in utero, a baby’s heart rate will actually slow when it hears its mother’s voice!

Once children are born, you become their safe base, where they can return on a reliable basis when needing comfort, support, or someone to help make sense of their experiences in life. You not only keep your children safe, you also help them organize their feelings and make sense of the world around them. Parents who are not consistently available or who do not share in that emotional connection with their children, leave the child confused and in a sense of chaos as they cannot understand the world around them without their parent’s support.

What does this practically look like?

Imagine your child is on the playground. You sit on a bench on the edge of the playground watching them play. They are happy and smiling while running around until another child throws bark chips in the air and some of them hit your child.  Your child becomes upset and looks around to see where you are. They run over to you and start crying, confused as to why they were just hit with bark chips. How would this scenario differ if your child could not find you, or if you were busy looking at your phone rather than looking at them while they were crying? What if you got up and started yelling at the parent of the child who threw bark chips at your child?

All of these scenarios lead to disconnect with your child, because you are not attuning to their needs, rather you are reacting to the situation. What your child needs is to be able to find you, feel safe, and ask the question in their own way of “Why is this happening?”, “what did I do wrong?”. You get to make sense of the situation for them. By listening, comforting, acknowledging their feelings, and helping them problem-solve, you are making sense of their experience.  This needs to be done in an age-appropriate way, so your responses will vary depending on if your child is 2 years old or 8 years old.

Start Working With a Christian Counselor in Hillsboro, OR

Healthy attachment is important in relationships, friendships, and in parenting. To further explore how to develop a healthy attachment with your children and for yourself, get in touch with our team of caring therapists. We would be happy to offer support from our Hillsboro, OR-based practice and across the state. Start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:

1. Contact us by calling 971-808-2686 ext. 700 or email megan@lifedcs.com.
2. Meet with a caring therapist.
3. Start cultivating stronger, healthier relationships!

Other Services Offered at Life Discovery Counseling in Oregon

If you are in Portland, Clackamas, Happy Valley, Damascus, Hillsboro, or Beaverton, we can help you in person at one of our comfortable therapy clinics. Christian counseling is the cornerstone of our approach to therapy. Not only do we offer support for parents. We see both adults and children in counseling. Our team offers anxiety therapy, trauma therapy and PTSD treatment, depression counseling, relationship issues counseling, marriage problems, and postpartum counseling. No matter where you are in the state, we can provide the support you need with online therapy in Oregon. Once you’re ready to start, we’re ready to meet you. Let’s connect!

The post Secure Attachment: Parenting Strategies first appeared on Life Discovery Counseling Services.

by Megan Coggins

Did you have a parent who became enraged when you sang “too loudly”, or were you hit after requesting a hug? Children who develop what Bowlby called a disorganized attachment, often grow up in a home where you are unsure how your parent is going to respond to your requests. This parental behavior is disorienting and alarming for children. According to Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell in Parenting from the Inside Out, parents who exhibit such behavior, often have their own unresolved trauma or grief that presents as chaos from their own chaotic experiences growing up.  Many parents who express these behaviors have drug or alcohol abuse issues, which contributes to chaotic and frightening reactions.

If you grew up in a home such as this, you may experience a sense of being unreal or detached from what is happening around you or you may feel internally fragmented.  This dissociation can lead you to feel disconnected from yourself. You may feel yourself becoming frozen or your emotional response feeling more intense during interpersonal relationships.  Maintaining relationships can be difficult when you feel such heightened responses in a relationship, potentially causing you to run away from the relationship or putting up an emotional wall to protect yourself. You probably have your own trauma that needs to be processed if you grew up in a chaotic household. Counseling can be a very helpful in learning strategies to working through these experiences, looking at how they impact you currently and beginning to heal from those wounds to grow into the partner and parent you want to be.

Not only does this attachment style greatly impact how you experience life, it impacts your relationships and how you raise your children.  If you experience emotional disconnect from yourself, your spouse and children experience that disconnect as well. In order to create a healthy attachment with your children, it is important for you to work through trauma and learn how to have healthy attachment with those around you. There is hope for healing from past trauma and healthy relationships in your life.  This will require work and dedication, but you can experience healthy relationships, raise healthy children, and experience a sense of connection within yourself.

To learn more about how to develop healthy attachment and heal from past trauma or pain from your family of origin, call 971-808-2686 ext. 700 or email megan@lifedcs.com.

The post Disorganized Attachment Style first appeared on Life Discovery Counseling Services.

by Megan Coggins

You were given every opportunity to succeed; you had a roof over your head, food on the table, and two parents at home who loved you. Your family valued independence, which was a benefit to you because you were able to create a successful career for yourself, buy a nice house and car, and are very confident in your ability to care for yourself. The problem is that relationships have always been a struggle for you. Maybe you have had long-term relationships before, but they never seem to work out. This could be due to having what Bowlby called an avoidant attachment style.

Avoidant attachment styles are developed when parents are emotionally unavailable or have a dismissive stance towards the child’s emotional needs. This type of household might look like a loving and involved household from the outside, but parents were not attentive to the child’s emotional needs. This family may be involved in many activities outside the home, taught right from wrong, and given direction for how to be successful in life, but parents were lacking in their ability to pick up on signals from the child. Maybe you grew up in a household where your parents provided every opportunity for you to be successful, participating in multiple sports camps, academic opportunities and paid for you to attend college. They were very interested in helping you succeed, but were absent in your day-to-day experiences and your own personal interests and emotions.

In adulthood, avoidant attachment traits can present as difficulty or minimizing of emotions in relationships. You may appear emotionally distant in relationships, as you are more prone to overly rely on logic. When conflict occurs, you may retreat, as emotions are an unchartered and uncomfortable place to be in. You are most likely an independent person who can easily take care of yourself so when problem solving or conflict arises; you take yourself out of the situation. The difficulty is that your partner or spouse is completely left out in this process, as you single-handedly took care of the situation. This missed opportunity for emotional connection can wear on a relationship, as the emotional bond is not strengthened, rather you each operate independently.

There is nothing wrong with being able to solve your own problems, but in a relationship, conflict oftentimes requires teamwork and open communication. When this does not happen, it can lead to disconnect in the relationship, as neither person feels aligned with their spouse.

Attachment styles greatly impact our relationships and how we raise and connect with our children. If you would like to learn more about healing from an avoidant attachment style and how to create healthy bonds with people in your life, call 971-808-2686 ext. 700 or email megan@lifedcs.com.

The post Avoidant Attachment Style first appeared on Life Discovery Counseling Services.

by Megan Coggins

Attachment to our parents comes about from a variety of situations and scenarios. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, but the behavior and attitude that parents approach parenting with can have a life long impact on their children.

Did you grow up in a home where a parent’s response to situations varied greatly? There were times where your mom was very attentive to your every need, but there were other times when she was preoccupied with your younger siblings and did not seem to have any time for you. Or maybe your dad allowed your brothers to wrestle with you in a rough way, even though you did not want them to? Both of these scenarios can lead to a situation in which a child can feel that their parent is not always readily available to them when they need help. Remember the “Circle of Security” diagram? Children who develop what John Bowlby called an anxious attachment style, start out with a secure base, their parent, but that base is not always available when needing comfort or support. Your parents may have been inconsistently available when you needed them.

As an adult these memories can cloud your interactions with your children, impacting your ability to perceive their signals or interpret their needs. In your adult relationships, an anxious attachment can look like anxiety about whether or not others will be dependable. You may experience a sense of urgency for connection with others, which can cause others to push you away if you come across too forceful or strong in your desire for attachment. Understanding where your attachment style came from and reflecting on how shame may have impacted your early life can help in developing healthy relationships.

Oftentimes, having an anxious attachment style can lead you to believe that you were not worthy of your parent’s attention and concern since it was something that was not always dependable. Conflict can feel scary with this attachment style as any disconnect from your partner can lead you to feel anxious, wanting to quickly fix the disconnect. Learning how to work with your attachment style and develop healthy communication can help in alleviating the anxiety felt in relationships.

Your attachment style not only impacts your interpersonal relationships, but can also impact the way you raise your children. If you are interested in learning how to heal from having an anxious attachment style call 971-808-2686 ext. 700 or email megan@lifedcs.com.

The post Anxious Attachment Style first appeared on Life Discovery Counseling Services.