Relationships can be confusing!
Many people have heard the buzzword from the 1980’s called “codependency” or being “codependent.” By now the word gets thrown around quite a bit. A lot of people think it means being “needy” or just generally having unhealthy relationships. Maybe you feel one of those yourself?
To borrow a phrase from Jeff Foxworthy, you might be codependent if you…
find yourself often feeling guilty or others have told you that you use guilt with them- feel responsible for other people’s problems
- make excuses for other people’s bad behavior
- often ignore your own needs (to your own detriment) to take care of others
- frequently find yourself trying to please others or make you like you, worrying when you think they don’t
- take things personally or have a hard time getting over things
- feel confused in relationships, not feeling understood and not fully understanding others
- …deep down inside, you feel alone and unlovable
If any of these describe you, take a moment to give yourself compassion for admitting a difficult and painful truth. Being kind to yourself will become a critical tool for your healing, so start practicing it now. It can help you get started with counseling!
What is Codependency?
Codependency is a common issue for many people, and usually manifests itself in the context of relationships. Codependency is essentially being dependent on others for well-being; needing approval or acceptance from others in order to feel secure about yourself. There are many different forms that codependency can take and people will respond in their own individual ways, but the general principle behind it remains the same.
Here is a test you can take to determine if you have codependent patterns: free codependency online test. This test is fairly long (100 questions), but is better than most free codependency quizzes out there because it examines the various parts of codependency (caretaking, repression, obsession, denial, dependency, communication, boundaries, trust, anger, and sexual dysfunction).
Don’t let guilt continue to control you
If you’ve been struggling with codependent behavior patterns in relationships, you probably feel tired and confused. You probably feel more alone and hurt than you’ve ever felt.
Working through these issues requires someone who recognizes them and is healthy enough to walk you out of them. You’ll need someone who can be honest with you at times, patient, and understanding of your true heart and intentions for others. After all, we all make good things (like relationships) into ultimate things.
We’ll help you reorient your life so it doesn’t center around the other person. Then, we’ll help you get to know yourself and learn to love yourself. Finally, we will help you understand what’s been going on in your relationships and how you’ve been participating in those dynamics so you can finally have clarity.
The Life Discovery Christian Counseling Approach to Coping with Codependency
Once you can see what you’re doing and learn healthier ways of caring for others, you’ll feel so much better about yourself! You’ll be able to feel proud of yourself. You’ll feel truly known and cared for. Others will enjoy you more and your relationships will drastically improve. Without carrying the burden of responsibility for other people, you’ll feel lighter and more at peace in life. You’ll feel more hopeful and confident. Most of all, you’ll be able to love people and be loved like you’ve always wanted! To learn more about our work with codependency and enmeshment, read our 5-part blog post series on codependency now.
Codependency Part 1: Boundary Issues with Family
Enmeshment & Codependency Part 2: Boundary Issues with Friends
Codependency Part 3: Boundary Issues at Work
Couples and Codependency Part 4: Boundary Issues in Marriage
Codependency Part 5: Boundary Issues in Marriage
Start Christian Codependency Counseling in Clackamas or Hillsboro
Our counselors in Clackamas and Hillsboro are excited to work with you. Codependent relationship patterns do not have to rule your life. We can help you get back on track with the right communication and coping skills. When you are ready to start Christian counseling for codependency, follow these simple steps:
- Learn about our therapy team in Hillsboro and our caring counselors in Clackamas
- Schedule an appointment with your preferred therapist, or contact us with questions
- Live your life in a healthier, more balanced way!
Other Christian Counseling Services at Life Discovery
Dealing with codependency will help, but we know that you may have more concerns to talk about. Or, you might know someone else who does. Whether you are in Clackamas, Happy Valley, Damascus, or Hillsboro, our therapists can help. Christian counseling is the cornerstone of our approach to therapy. Mental health is important, and we provide a safe space to work on your mental health with the support of someone who understands the role faith plays in your life. Not only do we see adults, but children in counseling too. We also work with depression treatment, trauma therapy and PTSD treatment, marriage problems, and postpartum counseling. No matter where you are in the state, we can provide online counseling in Oregon (telehealth). Once you’re ready to start, we’re ready to meet you. Let’s connect!