In the first session or two of a counseling relationship, a primary topic of conversation involves goals. The counselor asks a client something like, “What outcome do you want from our work together?” Inevitably, clients express some variation of one particular goal: “I want to be happy.”

The yearning for happiness comes in myriad different forms. Some seek a successful romantic relationship, while others want satisfying (and well-paying) work. Some are focused on certain pleasurable experiences or the freedom to choose a particular course of action. A few simply want to make some kind of sense of their life.

But what if in our search for happiness we’re chasing a ghost?

Goal or Result?

I don’t mean to rain on anyone’s parade. I’m simply convinced the pursuit of happiness is a fool’s errand. Happiness is a by-product of a good life rather than central to a good life. Happiness is not something tangible we can manufacture and sustain. If it was something we could manufacture, surely we live in the time and place it would be most possible! In the United States, we currently have the highest overall standard of living in human history. We have better food, housing, sanitation, medical treatment, and education. We have more money, welfare services, justice, entertainment, and career opportunities. Every day ordinary people enjoy luxuries only royalty possessed not that long ago. With all this, one would think we are the happiest people as well. Yet, the opposite seems true. Our individual and collective mental health seems more fragile than ever. 

Defining of Happiness

“But wait,” you may say, “isn’t the pursuit of happiness enshrined in our Constitution? Were the founders of our country deluded?” Here’s where shifts in language can cause problems. You see, there are two very different definitions of happiness. The first definition – the one most likely to be used today – is “feeling a sense of pleasure, gladness, or gratification.” Who among us doesn’t want to feel these pleasant sensations?! However, as with all human emotions, the feeling of happiness doesn’t last. And the pursuit of such feelings actually increases the likelihood of anxiety and depression! 

The second definition of happiness, the one presumed by our country’s founders, is substantively different. This happiness is defined as “living a rich, full, and meaningful life.” This happiness results when your choices and actions are grounded in your deeply held beliefs and values. In other words, you know who you are and who you want to become. You know what’s most important in life and you are actively pursuing it. Rather than a fleeting feeling, this happiness is a profound sense of a well-lived life. But here’s the challenge: though this kind of happiness often produces moments of pleasurable feelings, it also brings difficult and uncomfortable feelings like sadness, anger, and fear. In other words, a rich, full life will involve the full spectrum of human emotions.

Good & Bad News

The reality is, difficult emotions are a part of even the best lives. We all get sick or injured and eventually, we will all die. Every one of us will lose valued relationships through separation, rejection, and death. Every life contains crises, disappointments, and failures.

But here’s some good news: though difficult emotions are inevitable, you can learn how to handle them productively. You can make room for them, reduce their negative impact, and even utilize them to create a meaningful life. At Life Discovery Counseling, we’re ready to help you do just that.

Consider Online Therapy in Oregon for Christian Counseling

Our Clackamas and Hillsboro-based counselors are excited to work with you, wherever you are in Oregon. Your relationships can thrive again. We can help you get back on track in a way that aligns with your faith and values. When you are ready to start online Christian counseling in Oregon, follow these simple steps:

1. Learn about our therapy team in Hillsboro and our caring counselors in Clackamas
2. Schedule an appointment with your preferred therapist, or contact us with questions
3. Feel more connected to the important people in your life

Other Mental Health Services at Life Discovery Counseling in Oregon

If you are in Clackamas, Happy Valley, Damascus, or Hillsboro, we can help you in person at one of our comfortable therapy clinics. Christian counseling is the cornerstone of our approach to therapy. Not only do we see adults, but children in counseling too. We also work with depression treatment, anxiety therapy, trauma therapy and PTSD treatment, relationship issues, marriage problems, and postpartum counseling. No matter where you are in the state, we can provide the support you need with online therapy in Oregon. Once you’re ready to start, we’re ready to meet you. Let’s connect!

About the Author

Shane Fookes is a graduate of Western Seminary’s Counseling program and a Licensed Professional Counseling Intern. He was previously a pastor and is still involved in churches, and writes about marriage and relationship issues, anxiety, depression, and spiritual development.

The post Want To Be Happy? first appeared on Life Discovery Counseling Services.

As I mentioned in an earlier blog post, we are in the middle of a collective redefinition of what it means to work because of the Coronavirus pandemic. While this may be challenging, we can find hope and help from the Bible. The Bible invites us to see work as a primary means through which God grows and matures us. In particular, we can see a four-fold progression for maturing in what motivates our work. 

Value Exchange: Paycheck? Purpose?

When it comes to work, we generally start out with a “paycheck-driven” motivation. At this basic level, work is a value exchange – we work to get something in return. This often means earning money, but not always. Since work is part of God’s design for a good life, we can find joy and satisfaction when we work to meet our basic needs. However, if a paycheck motivation is all you have, at some point you will come face-to-face with futility (Ecclesiastes 2:18). We need more from work than merely earning something in return. 

Purpose-Driven

Thankfully there’s more available. As we mature, we discover a second motivation for work, a “purpose-driven” motivation. Each one of us reflects something of God because we are made in His image (Genesis 1:27). What you do flows out of who you are, not the other way around. Of course, that means you need to know who you are so that you can know what you’re created to do! One way to understand this is through the acronym SHAPE, which stands for Spiritual gifts, Heart, Abilities, Personality, and Experiences. You can discover a sense of purpose by exploring how you are crafted in each of these areas.

Philanthropy-Driven

Finding your unique design for work is very important. Yet, it is still not sufficient motivation for work. If work is simply a self-discovery project, you’ll remain self-absorbed and operate as if the world around you exists for you. You continue to mature in your work when you develop a “philanthropy-driven” motivation (Ephesians 4:28). In this way, you work so you can give. You give both what you produce through your work and what you earn with your work. We all come into this world with a ‘take’ mentality because we’re hardwired by sin to make ourselves the center of our story. When self is the center of the story, consuming is our primary focus and others exist to satisfy our needs. But God’s story centers on working and giving. That’s who God is and what God does. And that’s what we do when we become like him. 

This motivation for work undergirds every human institution. For example, marriages and families require philanthropy-driven motivation because they involve a lot of work. Couples and families grind to a halt when they operate with a value-exchange motivation which sounds something like: “You do your part and I’ll do mine. If you don’t give me what I expect in our relationship, I’m out of here.” A value-exchange approach to relationships doesn’t work very long because it provokes comparison and competition rather than generosity. Marriages and families also don’t function well with a purpose-driven motivation because they require us to do many things we don’t feel created to do, like changing diapers and doing the dishes.

Praise-Driven

As wonderful as it is to have a philanthropy-driven motivation for work, it still isn’t enough. It isn’t fully sufficient because it doesn’t accomplish the central reason for our existence on earth. This brings us to the fourth and final motivation for work: a “praise-driven” motivation (Ephesians 6:7-8). With this motivation, your work becomes worship and your workplace holy ground.

If this sounds odd to your ears that probably means you’ve bought into a dominant lie of our culture. This lie says that life can be divided into categories of sacred and secular. It’s like we have two buckets in which we put different aspects of life: a sacred or religious bucket and a secular bucket. We then put the activities that we consider ‘holy’ in the sacred or religious bucket; things like Bible reading and Sunday morning worship. We put everything else we do, including our work, in the secular bucket. We do this with places as well. The church building goes in the sacred bucket; our workplace goes in the secular bucket. And so on.

The Sacred Place of Purpose

But we see a fundamentally different understanding in the Bible. Rather than activities, events, or places being sacred, people are sacred. What makes an event or activity or place sacred is not the thing itself but the people present in it. A thing or a place is holy when God’s people do what they do for his glory and fame.

Why settle for working merely to gain attention, collect power, make money, or prove yourself when God invites you to grow and mature through your work? Wouldn’t that be a far better story to live?

Consider Online Therapy in Oregon for Christian Counseling

Our Clackamas and Hillsboro-based counselors are excited to work with you, wherever you are in Oregon. You can feel valued and valuable, just as God intends for you. We can help you get back on track in a way that aligns with your faith and values. When you are ready to start online Christian counseling in Oregon, follow these simple steps:

1. Learn about our therapy team in Hillsboro and our caring counselors in Clackamas
2. Schedule an appointment with your preferred therapist, or contact us with questions
3. Feel more connected to the important people in your life

Other Mental Health Services at Life Discovery Counseling in Oregon

If you are in Clackamas, Happy Valley, Damascus, or Hillsboro, we can help you in person at one of our comfortable therapy clinics. Christian counseling is the cornerstone of our approach to therapy. Not only do we see adults, but children in counseling too. We also work with depression treatment, anxiety therapy, trauma therapy and PTSD treatment, relationship issues, marriage problems, and postpartum counseling. No matter where you are in the state, we can provide the support you need with online therapy in Oregon. Once you’re ready to start, we’re ready to meet you. Let’s connect!

About the Author

Shane Fookes is a graduate of Western Seminary’s Counseling program and a Licensed Professional Counseling Intern. He was previously a pastor and is still involved in churches, and writes about marriage and relationship issues, anxiety, depression, and spiritual development.

The post Finding Purpose At Work first appeared on Life Discovery Counseling Services.