Boundary Issues in Marriage
This is part 5 of a 5-part series on Boundaries by Megan Coggins.
Read Part 1 (Boundary Issues with Family) here.
Read Part 2 (Boundary Issues with Friends) here.
Read Part 3 (Boundary Issues at Work) here.
Read Part 4 (Boundary Issues in Marriage) here.
It’s late, the kids are in bed, you are exhausted and need a quiet moment to yourself. Once you walk into the kitchen, you promise yourself to eat one cookie as a way to treat yourself after a long, hard day. Before you know it, you have ate half of the bag of cookies and moved on to that favorite bag of chips. How do you keep winding up in this position?
The man in the cubicle next to yours is going through a messy divorce, and you hear most of his phone conversations due to his loud yelling at his ex-wife. After work you go out with a coworker for dinner, mentioning this distraction and how it impacts your work productivity. Of course you mean to keep it about work, but you can’t help but dive into a few of the details you overheard.
Maybe, you might find yourself spending time on your computer or phone looking at pornography. This can make you feel isolated and ashamed of what you are doing, or you see no harm. The problem is that your desire to view pornography gets worse, which can lead to isolation and a sense of hopelessness that you can’t stop your actions.
When we don’t respect our needs, we can begin operating blindly in life, hurting others and ourselves along the way. Overeating, gossiping, and pornography are only a few examples of how we can cultivate poor boundaries with ourselves. Willpower alone is not enough to create healthy boundaries with ourselves.
First off, it is vital to figure out what the symptoms of your lacking boundaries are. Do yousuffer from depression, anxiety, relationship struggles, or isolation? Next it is important to figure out what the root of the boundary problem is: Did something happen growing up that is impacting you or do you have unmet emotional needs? Furthermore, notice what the conflict is, take ownership, and create healthy boundaries. Developing a trusting relationship with someone that can hold you accountable is also very valuable. This can be a friend, pastor, or counselor.
Cloud and Townsend offer great insight in their book Boundaries. This book dives into the grace you will need for yourself, while developing these healthy boundaries. Furthermore, they recognize the need for allowing yourself to fail, acknowledging the fact that you are a human! They also emphasize the importance of listening to feedback those supporting you, and to surround yourself with people who love and care about you. You cannot do this alone!
Consider Marriage Counseling in Oregon
Our Clackamas and Hillsboro-based counselors are excited to work with you, wherever you are in Oregon. Your marriage can thrive again. We can help you get back on track in a way that aligns with your faith and values. When you are ready to start marriage counseling, follow these simple steps:
- Learn about our therapy team in Hillsboro and our caring counselors in Clackamas
- Schedule an appointment with your preferred therapist, or contact us with questions
- Feel more connected to the important people in your life
OTHER MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES AT LIFE DISCOVERY COUNSELING IN OREGON
If you are in Clackamas, Happy Valley, Damascus, or Hillsboro, we can help you in person at one of our comfortable therapy clinics. Christian counseling is the cornerstone of our approach to therapy. Not only do we see adults, but children in counseling too. We also work with depression treatment, anxiety therapy, trauma therapy and PTSD treatment, relationship issues, marriage problems, and postpartum counseling. No matter where you are in the state, we can provide the support you need with online therapy in Oregon. Once you’re ready to start, we’re ready to meet you. Let’s connect!
About Megan, the Author
Megan Coggins is a Licensed Professional Counselor and writes about anxiety, trauma, postpartum and pregnancy issues, and relationships. She is a skilled and caring Christian therapist in Oregon. If you are interested in reaching out to Megan for Christian marriage counseling, please call us at 971-808-2686